Dating and Relationship Advice For Men - Disaster! (...How to keep her from slipping away)
I said a few weeks ago that the WORST mistakes men make with women happen during the very early stages of the relationship.
Relationships may fall apart from various strains and challenges over time, but in most cases the very best time to deal with those challenges are when they FIRST come up right at the very beginning.
Unfortunately, this is rarely done for a simple reason.
When we first meet someone special, we really do become ‘blinded’ by love in a sense.
All these crazy hormones affect our judgment, and more importantly our ability to rationalize away potential problems.
This is a fairly well understood biological process, and if you think you’re above it’s effects, then maybe you also think you can breathe the air at 50,000 ft or survive for a month without water.
When we are blinded by love, we naturally overlook the shortcomings of our partners, and more important, the shortcomings of the relationship.
And THAT is a shame.
Women are INCREDIBLY flexible when they feel safe with a strong and responsible man, and relationships that are just forming are like a blank page waiting to accept whatever you can dream up and create.
On the other hand, any small problems that form early on can magnify many times over as the relationship evolves.
Something that seems insignificant in the beginning can easily create a rift that will go on to destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.
Because of that, you owe to yourself, and to her, to stomp out problems right away, before they turn into resentment - resentment that can destroy the relationship.
I’ll give you a simple example.
Back when I was hanging out with all the famous ‘pickup artists’ mentioned in Neil Strauss' book "The Game", I spent a lot of time meeting women in bars and clubs.
I also put way too much weight on how ‘hot’ a woman was - to the extent that I lost sight of some other more important standards I had set for the women I date.
In my pursuit for more attractive, more desired women, I ended up breaking my long standing rule of never dating women who smoked.
(By the way, if you’re a smoker, that’s cool and we can still be friends. As a non-smoker, it just happens to be a turn-off for me personally)
Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to see if some of the old Zero Drama Dating bag ‘o tricks could help make the situation work out with some of these smokin’ hotties who happened to smoke.
I had recently had a short relationship with a smoker, and formed a little story about my experiences with her.
I never told this story to women when I first met them, but I WOULD tell it to them first time they smoked in front of me during a date.
This story did a few important things:
It conveyed that I did not judge people who smoked.
It also conveyed that I did not find smoking attractive, and that I just wasn’t able to make dating a women who smoked around me work.
Since it didn’t work, I wouldn’t put myself - or a woman that was important to me - through that situation again.
When I was done with the story, I looked the woman in the eye and SINCERELY asked if she would agree to NOT smoke during the time she chose to be with me.
Like everything during that time of my life, this whole thing seemed like just a fun experiment...
...until the next time I met a truly AMAZING women, that is.
She was stunning and graceful.
Savagely intelligent... AND
You guessed it... a smoker.
We dated for a few months before she had to move back to South Africa for her career, and had a great time together.
I’ll never forget the last thing she said to me.
She said I was the ONLY man she had ever quit smoking for.
She said that many men had tried to get her to quit, and the more she tried the more she had resisted.
She had no why she had stopped for me - but I knew.
Those men had ACCEPTED her as a smoker when they were blinded by love, but had then tried to control her and change her behavior later.
I, on the other hand, did not try to change her or control her when we were in a relationship.
I had simply articulated my rules about dating and relationships, and I had done it BEFORE I was ‘blinded by love’.
In fact, I had done it before we had even kissed.
And I did it with respect, while emphasizing that she had a choice to accept me the way I am or not.
So when you meet an amazing woman, and things are going well, and you start getting excited that this could really be leading somewhere...
STAY FOCUSED.
This is NOT the time to just relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
No my friend...
This is the time to set the right foundation, to make sure the relationship moves in a direction where it can flourish.
And the BETTER things are, the more you should look for opportunities to make it EVEN better.
If I’ve learned anything from my experiences, it’s that things can always be better you ever thought possible, and women WILL respond to a strong man who has the best interests of the relationship at heart.
After all, it’s pretty easy to make a woman happy when you simply CAN’T BELIEVE how good you have it with her.
And when you’re in that situation, you’ll do anything but take advantage of her.
You will cherish her, protect her, and find new way ways to light her up.
And you’ll be a better man then you ever thought you could be.
Until then, prepare yourself, because when you meet her, the time for learning the basics will be over.
It will be time for you to act on what you have learned about women, and to show her that you can understand her and take care of her better then she understands herself.
She’s out there somewhere...
When you meet her, be ready.
Right now you have an unique opportunity to learn from 14 years of intense trial and error that I have personally had with women.
Like all good things, this can’t wait forever. Check it out NOW at:
http://www.ZeroDramaDating.com/Conspiracy/
Now go meet some AMAZING women,
Your friend,
Lance Mason
P.S. - If you haven’t seen the Zero Drama Dating Preview video, this is the first look at the 3 day seminar in 2007 where much of the Zero Drama Dating products were filmed. I’m taking it down after this week, but you can check it out now at:
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August 16, 2010
August 21, 2010
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