How to Avoid Being Overcome with Nervousness
For today we will go to some questions sent in by guys like you.
Let's get to it...
QUESTION
Hey Lance,
When I meet a girl. I have no problem talking to them. but I'm too serious. I can never let myself go and be the laughy fun me until I get to know someone well enough to let them in. (true for guys as well as gals).
Q: What kind of stuff can I talk about that will 'demonstrate value' to a woman and also keep things light, so I don't come off sounding like her college professor or serious uncle? Please help! :-)
Jake, New York NY
MY COMMENTS
Jake,
Just a guess but I'd say you are 'playing it safe' with what you to say to girls (and guys).
This is actually quite common, and a HUGE reason men get called "nice guy" or hear her say "Let's just be friends".
If you want women to be attracted to you, ya gotta be willing to take a little risk.
Put another way, being BORING is NOT ATTRACTIVE.
For you, I prescribe a conversational diet of BANTER with everyone you talk to.
If you were in workshop, I'd have you play around with some edgy banter lines.
We do this for guys who are normally reserved or cautious when talking to women and they are always delightfully shocked when they get a great reaction from the women they approach.
Look, women want to have fun, and they want to meet guys who have personality and aren't afraid to let their personality out right away.
That's one reason why banter works so well, and it's really easy to do.
One thing, and this is important, sarcasm isn't banter. Don't make this fatal mistake.
Here's one of the 'edgy' lines from the PickUp 101 Banter Flash Cards deck.
"I don't know who you boyfriend is... but he's not spanking you enough"
I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader, why saying this gets such a great reaction from a woman.
QUESTION
Hey Lance,
I want to know how to avoid being overcome with nervousness and blowing it?
Also, how to fill breaks in the conversation.
Thanks!
Gavin - Berkeley, CA
MY COMMENTS
Hey Gavin,
The BEST way o avoid being nervous is to practice all the time. Don't wait until you talk to a cute girl.
Listen, this isone of the common mistakes guys make. They only practice being social with women they want to date.
BAD THING! You are just anchoring your nervous feelings to meeting women.
Instead, starting now this minute, practice being social with EVERYONE you encounter.
Friends, family, co-workers, people in line at the coffee shop, the cute waitress at the
diner... everybody.
When that becomes natural (this is all about Natural Game) then it's just you being you when you talk with cute girls.
By the way, being nervous doesn't mean you'll 'blow it' with a woman. Being a little nervous is normal. Being terrified isn't.
And one way to fill in the 'breaks' in the conversation is to be genuinely interested in her.
Just don't ask 'interview' style questions about her job and where she lives.
Also learn to tell interesting stories from your own life. This is another great way to convey personality too.
QUESTION
Dear Lance,
How do I go from using an opener into small talk? I find it really hard to think of anything to say to beautiful women.
Saren
MY COMMENTS
Hi Saren,
First thing, make sure you read above where I told Gavin how to overcome being nervous around cute girls.
Listen, beautiful women are no different than anyone else when it comes to fun conversation.
If you can talk to your friends, and people you work with you can talk to hotties.
Now if you want them to be attracted to you, then you'll need to know how to make a great first impression and to have fun and fascinating conversations.
It's not how to go from 'opener to small talk.'
It's how to go from complete stranger, to interest, to attraction, and then to rapport.
How you do it each time will depend on the women, so you need to pay attention to her.
Or put in San Francisco lingo: get out of your own head!
If you have been paying attention, you'll know that the basic elements of attraction conversations I teach are storytelling and banter, plus a killer hook to get everyone focused on you.
And these are really just 'training wheels' designed to help you learn how to do what I call VIBING.
If you practice everyday like I tell you, in less than a month or so, you'll find you can easily have fun conversations with anyone... especially beautiful women!
But you must PRACTICE. This is where guys drop the ball.
Look, If you've got 30 minutes a day, I guarantee to work a social skills miracle in your life.
That's all it takes, but you've got to lean in to your edge and push yourself out of your comfort zone.
If you can commit to that, I've got all the tools you need to talk with any woman you want to meet.
The best resource I can recommend is my Charismatic Conversations Take-Home Training Kit.
In it I show you step-by-step how to go from the opener, to playful flirting, and transition into rapport.
You'll get all the tools you need to create amazing stories from your own life, so you'll never need to use some worn out story from the Internet.
Plus anyone who orders now gets copies of the revised and expanded PickUp 101
Banter Flash Cards, and all the practice exercises to use them with.
For a the next two weeks, I'm even making your first payment for you.
Check it out at :
http://www.CharismaticConversations.com
Now, go meet some women.
Your Friend,
Lance Mason
P.S. - If you've already have pretty strong conversational skills overall but just have trouble approaching women in difficult situations, then you'll want to check out Fearless First Impressions - my program on
approaching women in just about ANY situation you can imagine. Different styles of approaching
are taught in a straightforward manner through demonstrations with real women.
Learn more at:
http://www.PickUp101.com/FearlessFirstImpressions


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