I had a coaching call where an old, old, old question came up.

And when I fixed the sticking point for him, it occurred to me everyone else could use some help here as well.

So let's make this a group coaching session (and not even at my usual rates! :-)

Today's sticking point:

Running out of things to say.

More common than you think.

And no, for this problem, Viagra does not help.

See, some guys get good at opening a group and getting them smiling.

But then they know they have to keep talking in a fun and interesting way, and don't know how to do it.

The answer is called Vibing.

Here's the question that kind of sums it all up.

___

"Hey Lance,

How do you learn how to VIBE well? I have learned a lot about inner game, outer game, routines, lines, push/pull, etc. etc..... But no one has focused on pure vibing....just the ability to have cool on the fly conversation skills. 

Appreciate your thoughts on the topic.

F Galletta, Forest Hills, NY"

___

OK, you asked for it. Time to go to school on the subject of...

ALWAYS knowing what to say next with Vibing.

Vibing is a way of talking to a whole group that gets the comfortable with you and trusting you. Like when you meet a new person, they share a little something about themselves you can relate to, and you think ,"hey, he seems like a good guy."

That's your goal with Vibing. Just relate and let the group think "he seems like a good guy."

Done properly, this makes it very easy to get to real rapport in one-on-one with the girl you like.

So what are the steps and keys to vibing?

1. After you have them laughing, choose one girl from group as your girl.

2. Get side by side with girl you like the most while joking wtih the group "I like this girl. Can I keep her?"

This makes the girls comfortable, because they know which one you like, and it makes you comfortable, because now you are in as part of a couple.

3. Now vibe with whole group. Small talk.

Here's the structure for your small talk to keep it interesting and keep it flowing.

    * Always to make connections between you and them. "Yes and," not "No, but"
    * Ask small talk questions
    * Get their response
    * Echo back their response, and either relate with something you know about it, or confess you don't know about it, and ask what it's like
    * Share your answer to the question and relate it back to them in emotionally relevant terms
    * Keep it fun and positive!!!

Here's an example of Vibing using this structure:

Let's take the most standard Small Talk question there is:

"Where are you from?"

They answer, "we're from Tuscany."

You reply with an echo back to show you listened to their answer, and invite them to share a little more.

"Oh, you're from Tuscany. I know nothing about Tuscany. Is it a cool place? They have good ice cream, right?"

You don't have to talk about ice cream. I just happen to love ice cream, so it's easy for me to get enthusiastic about it.

Now here's the key to vibing.

Do NOT expect the group to have some great stories ready to share, especially if you are dealing with a group of girls.

They have no reason to invest anything in you yet, and even if they did, women do not converse like men do. They don't practice one-upping each other's stories, so they don't have lots of material just waiting to unroll.

But you can make it easier for them to relate to you if you take their short answer and use it to reveal something about yourself for them to connect to.

Have good answers ready to each of your questions. You answer is just a conversational thread that you relate back to them.

To keep the conversation moving you want to have an idea of bullet points you can move on to soyou don't run out of things to say.

For example, your answer to the question "where are you from," might be:

    * I'm from Tottenham.

But then to keep the conversation moving, you can cover the following ideas.

    * Huge fan of Spurs football club.
    * They're good, but they never ever win.
    * Every year, I think this is the year.

Just when it seems to be a very "male oriented" conversation that is all about YOU, you make
it apply to the women in a fun and interesting way.

    * You know what it's like when you keep hoping for something, even though you know it will never happen?
    * (let the girls react)
    * Like you're waiting for your boyfriend to buy you a ring?
    * That's what it's like, but its fun. like, every year, new hope.
    * Every year, I wait for the ring, and I never get it, but I love them anyways.
    * You know what I mean?

When you are thinking about your conversational threads, you want to talk naturally.  Don't worry about the BEST way to say things, just relax.

Always make sure you relate things back to the group when you get to the end of your conversational thread. You want to give them a clear invitation to join in and relate to the emotional content you just offered.

Again, don't look for them to top it, and make sure you aren't playing the game of "my story is better than yours."

The point of vibing, remember, is not to impress, but to relate.

So what's keeping you? Now you know what to say next, so get out there and get working on your rap!

And don’t forget to check out MORE tips on talking to women at:

http://www.CharismaticConversations.com

Now go meet some women,

Lance Mason


P.S. Vibing is just a small part of the ALWAYS knowing what to say equation. You can see explanations and demonstrations of just about everything I have to say on the  topic on my Charismatic Conversations Take-Home Training Kit.  You even get to see demonstrations breaking down the 'hidden meaning' of what girls REALLY mean when they are talking to you. 

Learn more at:

http://www.CharismaticConversations.com