How Eye Contact Works
Have you ever locked eyes with an amazing woman and had absolutely no idea what to do next?
You don't want to be creepy, and you know you don't want to get caught staring at um... the writing on her t-shirt. But, you don't want to look away either... and no matter what you decide, it often ends up feeling awkward and challenging.
If you're like TONS of men I've met and talked to, you've been in this uncomfortable situation.
It's all-too-common, and it may actually be one of the biggest opportunities that you're missing out on.
Despite what you may have heard from the gurus about pickup lines, openers, and fancy routines, most relationships in the real world start with something much more simple...
How you handle this first moment of eye contact (and what you do next) can mean the difference between her feeling "swept away" or feeling a bit awkward and cold toward any approach.
I received a question in my mailbag from a reader who was curious about this exact same thing. Keep reading - I think you're going to learn a lot from this example.
Here we go:
*** Question ***
Hi,
I have a question about eye contact.
I teach adults, but previously I taught children and teenagers so I'm used to being stared down by the naughty, cheeky or tough kids in the class and I've no problem with that at all. In fact I consider myself something of a stare - out champ!
Now, commonly accepted advice is that you should hold a woman's eye until SHE looks away, especially the hotter chicks who like to try and faze you, and again, I have no problem with that. But it seems kinda weird, Just staring at some girl waiting for her to break, especially as it can go on for quite some time. I want to know when or how should I look away? Should I make some cheeky comment? Also, won't the girls take my not breaking eye contact as a signal that I'm into them? Or worse, won't they just think I'm the creepy, weird, stary guy? I'm talking about girls that I'm already interacting with, here, by the way! I'm not just walking down the street trying to stare-out people!
Thanks in advance,
John
*** My Response ***
Whoa Man... First off, that was way more than one question.
You're a teacher, but where'd you learn to count!
I'm just teasing.
Actually, it's great that you can beat the cheeky kids in a stare down competition. It sounds like you've got a solid foundation for eye contact which you should be proud of. Most men don't even have that, and they're still doing what I call the "please don't catch me" quick look-away with some potentially interested women.
You mention the common advice about holding her gaze until she looks away. And I'm glad you've been following this guideline.
It's such an important point, that I want to drive it home a little more.
This is one of the most common mistakes when it comes to eye contact with women. And, it comes from a deep inner attitude. So, if you want to wow her with your eyes, it's important that you really internalize this one thing...
There's no such thing as "getting caught"!
Last time I checked, there was no law against looking at women. There are no etiquette police coming to chase you down just for finding a woman attractive and caring enough to take a look at her.
In fact, it's just the opposite. Strong eye contact displays the confidence and power of a man who is comfortable going after what he wants.
Strong eye contact can create huge results for you in every area of your life - Not just with women. You will make more money. You will get better service. People will treat you better in general. And, yes... you will also drive women CRAZY!
We all know the importance of making good eye contact, but there's no need to stress... because my FAVORITE thing about eye contact is that you can practice it literally anywhere and with anyone.
There are people all around you, so start practicing now.
I'm teaching you here some fundamentals that you can put into practice right away. So, let's be clear that you have NO excuse
for not practicing this and using it in the real world. As soon as you're done reading, go out and try it.
But, so far there's one thing that's been completely overlooked, and I want you to get it.
You may be able to take the first step and keep eye contact without flinching. In fact, you may be able to hold your gaze like laser beams, but if you miss this next point you still won't be getting anywhere with women.
See, we're talking about women, flirting and dating so I've got to be straight with you. Please recognize that...
This is NOT a staring contest.
It's NOT a competition.
I know - As men, we like competitions and prizes and finishing lines. But, if you want to make it to the finishing line with a hot woman, you're going to have to get out of the competition and take on a new mindset here. You may win the stare-off but a shiny eye-contact-champion trophy won't mean much when you lose the girl.
Let's take a different approach. Let's consider that this may actually be your chance to build a tremendous connection. This may be your chance to separate yourself from every other lame guy who wants her attention. Or maybe it's your chance to "open" a conversation with her without any words at all.
What may seem like a frustrating or awkward obstacle can actually be one of the most fun moments in meeting a new woman.
What I'm talking about is an attitude, so let's go back to your question for a second and take a look at you're specific question about "the hotter chicks who like to try and faze you"
Stop right there. Huh?
Dude, she's not trying to faze you! There's no eye-contact trophy for the women either. And, despite popular theories, women do NOT go to bars just to shoot men down.
Sorry, but I have to call you out here. See, I want you to have FUN meeting women. I don't want you to feel like you're going to battle with an alien race.
What is she REALLY doing? What does she REALLY want?
Well, first off, she feels attracted to men just as much (if not more) than you feel attraction for women. She's human and she's physical and she wants a man.
She's trying to see if you're really the MAN who's got the BALLS to actually approach her. She's trying to see if you've got what it takes to handle her. And you know what? ...She wants the answer to be YES. She wants to find out that you do have confidence and that you are that attractive man.
Women understand eye contact. They're not reading this email right now, they're out doing it. They've been talking about it, and practicing it, and observing it for nearly all their life. They are more socially aware in general.
When women make eye contact with a man, they know exactly what they're doing. And, they're hoping that you will too. So, here's a little perspective that the women of the world would want you to know...
She's not trying to FAZE you, she's giving you an invitation!
She's inviting you into what I call the "Real Conversation." It's the conversation that happens underneath the surface and underneath all the words. Learning to speak the language of this Real Conversation is a lot like learning any language. I can't simply tell you in a few words and have you learn it all. It just doesn't happen overnight.
And, when I see you ask so many questions about what you should or shouldn't do, I can tell one thing... you're still not speaking the language. In fact, you may even feel like a foreigner in a foreign land when locking eyes with a hot woman.
Like I said, I can't just teach the entire language here in one email. But, I do want to give you a good place to start. So, here's something you can practice right away...
It may seem simple, but I assure you that this will have a huge impact on the way you make eye contact with women.
In fact, it may seem stupidly simple, but here it is...
Breathe
That's right take a breath. When you look into her eyes, most men have absolutely NO awareness of their breath or if they're even breathing at all. Stop now and ask yourself - the last time you made eye contact with a woman, were you breathing?
Chances are that you can't even remember. You were probably thinking about what to say or how to approach, or maybe you were just thinking about how hot she was and how much you wish you could tear her clothes off right there.
Well, Pay Attention! Start noticing your breath. Start noticing the rhythm of your breath and the rhythm of the eye contact. Start feeling in your body what's going on.
Notice if you stop breathing, or if you take shallow breaths. Notice it and start to breath deeper as if you're breathing in her energy.
When you really nail this, you'll start to feel the sexual tension build. You'll feel it when it's right. And NOW the Real Conversation has begun.
So you're breathing and you're connecting, and you're feeling it in your whole body... What do you say now?
As L-I-T-T-L-E as possible!
Continue to feel the rhythm and start to feel when the eye contact naturally comes to an end. It's not like a competition where one person wins. It has a rhythm to it that you can discover for yourself.
Wow... I'm starting to feel it now just sitting here and writing about it. Maybe you can feel what that'd be like too.
It's so important that you start to learn how to create the Real Conversation with a woman. This one thing alone can save you more time than I can even tell you. So, go out and start doing it today. Find a woman, lock eyes, and Breathe!
Wishing you Success with Women.
Your Friend,
Lance Mason
P.S - Ever wish there was an easier and more direct way to learn about eye contact than by reading a blog?
Ever wish you could actually see REAL demonstrations and explanations of women using their eyes to communicate, so that you'd once and for all understand what they're trying to say to you?
Then check out the 'Real Conversation' at:
Or Join the Discussion!
Please keep it polite and on-topic. Spam, off-topic and/or disrespectful comments may be deleted.
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